Choosing Compassion

Sometimes we are surrounded by such extreme toxicity that it feels like it's coming from all directions. We can easily feel invalidated, excluded, isolated, trivialized, insecure, attacked, and...of course, beyond frustrated! How do we find compassion when immersed in such a contradictory world?

This is something I am working through at this very moment. We just reached another milestone in our family that involved surviving years of being gravely misunderstood. As time went on, more and more people seemed to be on the side of toxicity. The social climate appeared to reward those who were skilled at posturing no matter who they hurt in the process. I found myself in a system that ignored or mocked trauma instead of promoting healthy growth. Whenever I asked for kind and ethical behaviour, it felt like I was speaking a different language. People looked at me with confusion or I was seen as the troublemaker because I demanded goodness in a place where goodness had no value. It has been a very tumultuous time and I am probably still in shock at the notion that we are done with this chapter! The grand finale left us with bitterness and grief instead of celebration and pride. I had to decide how to move forward when I was used to being constantly pulled back into the trauma.

So here is where I’m at. We celebrated the end in spite of the poison that surrounded us. We found a place on the beach and had a beautiful time filled with people who speak the same language of goodness. We celebrated perseverance and resilience! A few days later, the poison came back again; so, we named it. It felt important to name it and say that it was “not ok!” We would not take it back! But I still struggle because I am not out of the venomous system. My family is free of it; but, I am not yet free. I have to decide if I need to free myself totally or if I can practice my values in a place that seems contradictory to what I am striving to do. This answer will come in the time it needs to. For now, I will work hard to remember that the corruption no longer has power over my family. I will pray for the hurt people to heal, especially those who have hurt us. I will stand in my truth and celebrate goodness! I wonder if more people will join me one day?

Eventually, goodness can come from pain. I have seen it happen many times. My wellness practice came out of my effort to keep my head above water in the most stressful times. I am so blessed to watch my self-care working each and every day. Is it neat and clean?…nope! Is every day perfect now?…nope! But I have gained a certain strength from this practice and I am blessed to be able to share with others as they grow their own self-care and we work together to focus on different ways to build goodness!